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Post by Sweet Eet on Jan 10, 2009 8:45:27 GMT -5
REDNECK LOVE POEM
SUSIE LEE DONE FELL IN LOVE,
SHE PLANNED TO MARRY JOE.
SHE WAS SO HAPPY 'BOUT IT ALL
SHE TOLD HER PAPPY SO.
PAPPY TOLD HER, SUSIE GAL,
YOU'LL HAVE TO FIND ANOTHER.
I'D JUST AS SOON YO' MA DON'T KNOW,
BUT JOE IS YO' HALF BROTHER.
SO SUSIE PUT ASIDE HER JOE
AND PLANNED TO MARRY WILL.
BUT AFTER TELLING PAPPY THIS,
HE SAID, 'THERE'S TROUBLE STILL.
YOU CAN'T MARRY WILL, MY GAL,
AND PLEASE DON'T TELL YO' MOTHER.
BUT WILL AND JOE, AND SEVERAL MO'
I KNOW IS YO' HALF BROTHER.
BUT MAMA KNEW AND SAID, MY CHILD,
JUST DO WHAT MAKES YO' HAPPY.
MARRY WILL OR MARRY JOE;
YOU AIN'T NO KIN TO PAPPY.
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Post by Kei-Lin on Jan 10, 2009 10:43:00 GMT -5
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Post by Sweet Eet on Feb 9, 2009 10:16:04 GMT -5
"This year, taxpayers will receive an Economic Stimulus Payment. This is a very exciting new program that I will explain using the Q and A format:
"Q. What is an Economic Stimulus Payment?
"A. It is money that the federal government will send to Taxpayers.
"Q. Where will the government get this money?
"A. From taxpayers.
"Q. So the government is giving me back my own money?
"A. Only a smidgen.
"Q. What is the purpose of this payment?
"A. The plan is that you will use the money to purchase a high-definition TV set, thus stimulating the economy.
"Q. But isn't that stimulating the economy of China?
"A. Shut up."
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Post by ExoticHunter on Feb 15, 2009 0:44:03 GMT -5
Jack wakes up with a huge hangover after attending his company Christmas Party. Jack is not normally a drinker, but the drinks didn't taste like alcohol at all. He didn't even remember how he got home from the party. As bad as he was feeling he wondered if he did something wrong.
Jack had to force himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirin next to a glass of water on the side table and, next to them, a single red rose!! Jack sits up and sees his clothing in front of him - all clean and pressed. He looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order - spotlessly clean. So is the rest of the house. He takes the aspirin, and cringes when he sees a huge black eye staring back at him in the bathroom mirror.. Then he notices a note hanging on the corner of the mirror written in red with little hearts on it and a kiss mark from his wife in lipstick: 'Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to get groceries to make you your favorite dinner tonight. I love you, darling! Love, Jillian'
He stumbles to the kitchen and sure enough, there is hot breakfast, steaming hot coffee, and the morning newspaper. His 16 year old son is also at the table eating. Jack asks, 'Son... what happened last night?'
'Well, you came home after 3 A.M., drunk and out of your mind... you fell over the coffee table and broke it, then you puked in the hallway, and got that black eye when you ran into the door..
Confused, he asked his son, 'So, why is everything in such perfect order and so clean? I have a rose and breakfast is on the table waiting for me??'
His son replies, 'Oh THAT... Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your pants off, you screamed,
'Leave me alone, I'm married!!'
Broken Coffee Table $239.99 Hot Breakfast $4.20 Two Aspirin $.38 Saying the right thing, at the right time. . PRICELESS
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Post by Darkfire on Apr 16, 2009 15:59:01 GMT -5
People think when I say this it's funny I don't know why.
A guy walks into a barber shop he says, " A little off the top please" the barber says what do you mean your bald! He pulls off a wig and then he has a 40in mohawk.
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Post by Sweet Eet on Jun 19, 2009 15:30:49 GMT -5
A millionaire walks into a bank in New York City and asks for a loan officer. He explains he's going to California on business for two weeks and he needs to borrow $5,000. He confirms he is not a depositor in the bank, so the bank officer tells him he would need some form of security, so the man hands over the keys to a new $250,000 Ferrari. The car is parked on the street in front of the bank, the man produces the title and everything checks out so the loan officer agrees to hold the car as collateral, but also says he'll have to charge 12 percent. Papers are signed and a bank employee drives the Ferrari into the bank's private underground garage and parks it as the bank's president and officers enjoy a good laugh at the man for using a quarter million dollar car as collateral for a $5,000 loan. Two weeks later the man returns, repays the $5,000 plus about $25 in interest. "Sir, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked well, but we are puzzled," the loan officer said. "While you were away, we checked you out and found you are a multimillionaire. Why would you bother to borrow $5,000?" "Where else in New York City can I park my car for two weeks for only $25 and expect it to be there when I return?" the man said.
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Post by ExoticHunter on Jul 2, 2009 7:06:07 GMT -5
A young vicar about to deliver his first sermon asked the advice of a retired minister on how to capture the congregation's attention. "Start with an opening line that's certain to grab them," the cleric told him. "For example: 'Some of the best years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman.'" He smiled at the young vicar's shocked look before adding, "She was my mother." The next Sunday the vicar nervously clutched the pulpit rail before the congregation and stated, "Some of the best years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman." He was pleased at the instant reaction, then panic-stricken. "But for the life of me, I can't remember who she was!"
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